I’m shamelessly lifting this idea from Ms Bleeding Espresso (she lives in Italy and bleeds coffee!). It is a list of 15 things I haven’t said over the years to various people, for fear of hurting them or making them angry, but also out of embarrassment, shame or shyness.
Here is my list of things – thus far – left unsaid:
1. You were a shining light of talent and beauty; it still breaks my heart that drugs took you.
2. Of all the people I know in the world, no-one deserves a loving relationship more than you.
3. I wish you would stop yo-yo dieting – accept your beautiful body and get on with it.
4. You were a lovely, funny, delightful friend and I wish you weren’t lost to us. Oh, and I still have your book.
5. I am sorry for the situation you are in, but it is of your own making: if you try to control people, they run away.
6. You are a boring narcissist – go away and come back only when you are prepared to show genuine interest in other people.
7. Being infantile is not attractive in an adult: grow up. Also, you are not as wise as you like to think you are.
8. You need to show love in your actions – mild protestations are not enough. Right now, I’m not sure I believe you.
9. Taking anti-depressants will never remove your pain completely – you need to ask my forgiveness for the hurt you caused and then you might start to feel a little better.
10. Thanks for giving me the experience of loving a jerk early in life – it helped me learn what to avoid.
11. I think you have forgiven me, but I am still sorry for that bad thing I did to you long, long ago – it was cruel, under-hand and selfish of me.
12. Living with you is the great joy of my life.
13. Stop living in fear! Have the courage to be your authentic self, and make the demands that you require.
14. Please stop babbling at me in dialect. I don’t understand you and I don’t want to.
15. Being engaged is not the same as being married. Get married already.
That was cathartic! I can recommend it. If you decide to lighten your own emotional load, please let me know in the comments.
Good timing! I was stuck at the keyboard, lost for words, when I saw this pop up. Great idea for a post! I’ve borrowed shamelessly and done my own here http://noblesavage.me.uk/2008/02/22/hand-over-mouth/
Charlotte, how do you pack so much humor and sentiment into one short post? Thank you!
I really want to try this, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to be that honest even if it is bouncing out into cyber-space and not toward the intended targets. Another example of how you are one of the bravest people on the internet.
That was good. As with many, there’s plenty I feel I should have said – and I also know there are times when I shouldn’t have said something, but did do, and caused needless hurt as a result.
I can identify with some of the examples you give as well: I can’t think of any right now that I would like to share (not that I wouldn’t want to share any, but my mind’s gone blank like it does when someone says “do you have any questions?” in a job interview), but if any do come to mind I’ll revisit and let you know.
Oh, dear, I would be glad to not be on the receiving end of some of those. Glad you got it off your chest, though.
[...] good not to copy: Charlotte and Amity have both done this meme, and it immediately resonated with me. So here are 15 things [...]
As with all your writing your honesty and sanity ring loud and clear.
I love this idea. Sometimes you don’t need to say the words to the person for whom they are intended — the simple act of releasing them is enough to start healing or moving on and doesn’t that feel wonderful?
Cool! I’m going to give it a shot.
I like 7 and 8. There is something liberating about putting together (saying or writing) an eloquent deflater.
[...] 23, 2008 · No Comments I borrowed this meme off Charlotte. It’s a list of some things I haven’t said over the years to various people for various [...]
Aha. I’ll play.
You are courageous. I don’t know if I could voice some of the things I should have said, let alone publish for others to read.
Glad your comments are not naming any names. Surprising how many of the statements are applicable to people in my life, even though I know they are not the same people that are in your life. Trying to resist the urge to call you and ask for names, times, and places. Maybe I will give in to this bad temptation.
The sort of thing I would usually speak aloud in my car – when I am alone and there is no chance of being heard by the person who I really want to tell. An intriguing idea – may have to try it.
[...] 24, 2008 Hello Possums. I have been thinking about things I have left unsaid ever since reading Charlotte’s post on the same topic. I have decided to begin my list, but I might add to it or change it as inspirations arrive. 1. [...]
Wow! I love these. I think posting my own set would probably only happen after several years of expensive therapy. Perhaps I will do it on the quiet somewhere. Oh and I say that only because I feel they wouldn’t be as self-possessed and wise and reasonable as yours, Charlotte!
I need to say #14 to the characters in my novel!
You know, I don’t know if I’d have the courage to do this one yet… then again, I know it would be therapeutic. I think we have known some similar people – #5 and #6 are ones I can particularly relate to. Sometimes you just can’t speak directly to people who are controlling or narcissistic either because it’s all just fuel to the fire.
Oh how cool. I wish someone had directed number 7 at me…actually they might still need to.
Yikes… you ain’t no sissy when it comes to saying what you think.. I love it Charl, and anonymity is good, anything else is a pandora’s box, metinks. And being the narcissus that I am, naturally I was wondering if any apply to me.. well a good handful metinks, but only in very small measure I am sure. Thanks for giving us all a good kick up the posterior..
Isn’t this so liberating? I had no idea how much, I don’t know, lighter I would feel after I did this one; I may even do it again. So much to say….
Oh, and I *love* Number 14.
That looks like fun! I might do it!
Oh I wish I had the courage to say the stuff like this that really does need saying! Not only are there some people that need to be told that what they are doing is poisonous to them and all around them; but also, why do we neglect to say things to the living that we then say at their funeral after their death?? Great post.