Charlotte's Web

Blogging my world since 2006

Miss Kiss Kiss Bomb


So last night my husband and I armed ourselves with wine and settled happily on the sofa for our annual take-the-piss fest, the Eurovision Song Contest. The ESC, in which 42 countries that loosely call themselves European compete for best song and everyone in those 42 countries gets to vote, has been held annually since 1956 and famously launched the career of Abba. It is always an ode to kitsch, a celebration of tacky, a monument to bad singing, execrable taste and appalling clothes. So we, as you can imagine, were looking forward.

Last year’s winner, Russia, hosted the event at the Olimpiyski Stadium and it was, from beginning to end, slick, professional and very very smooth. None of the usual continuity bloopers, no technology failures and no faux pas from the comperes. With two semi-finals cutting out most of the dross, last night’s show was an exhibition of 25 relatively passable songs, and with the addition of juries to the voting process, every country managed to get a couple of votes – even the UK and Germany who are usually embarrassingly side-lined.

I had high hopes for Germany’s song, “Miss Kiss Kiss Bang”, which I saw at the Echoes in January. Despite the questionable lyrics, it is a boppy bit of swing, slickly performed by the duo Alex Swings Oscar Sings. Last night they employed the services of burlesque artiste Dita Von Teese, and I guess they read Europe wrong. Not in the mood for ersatz stripping, sexyboys and suggestiveness, Europe voted Germany into 20th place and punished them with 35 points (up from nul points last year, but still, not great). Kiss Kiss bombed.

With a recession firmly in place, Europe was in the mood for innocence and romance and the winner was clear almost from the beginning – the deeply cute and smily Alexander Rybak of Norway with his violin, acrobatic dancers and self-composed “Fairytale”. He was the runaway winner with 387 points, and even moved my husband to pick up the phone and vote (our first time ever, I might add. We also voted for France and Finland – who came last.) Anyway, here is Alexander with his Fairytale, and don’t feel shy showing it to your grannies and small children, this is family viewing:

Get used to it – the Otter Family Sofa predict it’s going to be all over your radio this summer. And here, for your entertainment, are some additional awards direct from that very sofa:

Sharpest suit and sideburns: Sasha Son of Lithuania

Best approximation of a waterfall: Yohanna of Iceland

Best political song: Noa and Mira Awad, an Arab-Israeli duo, for “There Must be a Better Way”. Amen to that.

Best backing visuals: Russia’s Anastasia Prikhodko for the visuals of her aging in her great song, “Mamo”.

Best audition for sappy hair: Bosnia & Herzegovina

Best attempt to be Ronan Keating: Norway’s Brinck, singing the song “Believe Again”, written by Ronan Keating

Best chest wax: Sakis, of Greece

Best separation at birth: Several identical blonde women, including Lijepa Tena of Croatia, Elena of Romania, Hadise of Turkey, Svetlana Loboda of Ukraine and Kejsi Tola of Albania.

Best disdain for fashion trend: Portugal. Rocking the folk look!

Best voice/worst song: Jade of the UK

Best mystery backing dancer: Albania’s green Spiderman.

See you next year in Oslo!


Author: charlotteotter

Novelist, feminist, crime writer

16 thoughts on “Miss Kiss Kiss Bomb

  1. It was an energetic number – the Norwegians are always peppy. The floor shows were kind of random (like that teal green glittery guy from Albania who slunk around the stage making his moves behind the rather likable child singer) but that stage was just amazing! Germany stunk, I’m sorry to say, and should stay away from Ricky Martin. To be fair, though, Ralf pointed that it was kind of up beat for the Germans, who are usually way more verklemmt.

  2. I was actually thinking that Iceland’s entry was more in the reakms of those toilet roll holder dolls that were all the rage back in the day.

    I adored the German entry, by the way. Most entertaining. Preferred the Norwegian effort though, along with everyone else. Finger on the pulse and all that.

  3. You would definitely need wine to go with that. The violin and acrobats were fun. Also his eyebrows.

  4. Oh–and I loved your description!

  5. Nooo! I can’t believe we managed to completely Miss Eurovision! Another casualty of the decorating.

  6. We had a laugh watching it too. What’s amazing is that despite extraordinary costumes, weird singing, peculiar songs, etc, so much of it is forgettable. Watching the recap of each song prior to voting, my husband and I both looked at each other when one entry came on and said: how did we miss that?

  7. Zut! We missed it. We were holed up with a sleepover of 6 boys and a video called Bridge to Terrabithia, which was actually really good and surprisingly sad at the end.

  8. Were we able to view it here in SA? Enjoyed the upbeat number and Alexander’s eyebrows topped off with his ‘Colgate’ smile!

  9. Looks like a blast. Will check it out.

  10. I think I’m the only person in Europe who hasn’t listened to a single song from the Eurovision Song Contest…

    … thank goodness!

  11. I hope you don’t mind but I linked to this piece about Eurovision to my piece about Eurovision from my blog. Love your EV awards! LOL!

  12. lol. this was fun to read. Its a non-event in Australia, but after reading this I might make the effort to catch it next time 🙂

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  14. Norway’s Brinck? Pffftt! 🙂 I think you mean Denmark’s… Norway was starting their Sytennde Mai celebrations early, thanks to cute lil’ Alex!

    Here in the UK, Eurovision doesn’t have the best following, but thanks to a totally new approach by our contestant and Lord Lloyd Webber, the UK did much, MUCH better than in previous years!

    Ah, well… the UK and Germany will just have to try again next year!

  15. I’m shocked that Dita von Teese could fail at anything. She’s…a force of nature.

    And they have blondes in Turkey? I didn’t know that either.

  16. I watched, riveted, from start to finish. I must say, I would have voted for German for sheer weirdness – a Mexican chap (currently studying in Munich) wearing silver sequinned trousers and an American burlesque artist (OMG, did you see her WAIST!?!). These are, of course, the frst things that spring to mind when you think of Germany!! Still, the song was fun in a generic EUrobeat sort of way and I kind of hoped we’d win. The UK song was remarkably good, but we have a lot to learn about packaging ourselves. Eurovision is NOT about restrained good taste, people!! I hoped Norway would win – he seemed like such a nice boy!

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