Charlotte's Web

Blogging my world since 2006

Guess the Lie


One of these points is a lie. Guess which one it is:

(Oh, and don’t read this if you are eating, about to eat or have just eaten. I thought I should warn you.)

1. Last night I went out for dinner in Heidelberg.

2. I met Ash in Amsterdam, who I have known via our blogs for nearly two years, and she is just as fabulous as I imagined.

3. I recognised her the minute I saw her, but we nearly didn’t meet because she and her partner couldn’t find the restaurant and I, as usual, didn’t have my phone on me.

4. After dinner, we decided to show Ash and M the underworld of Heidelberg and progressed to the Untergasse, a street of bars and restaurants.

5. My husband’s favourite bar, Destille, was full with groups of people spilling out onto the street. There were at least four stag and hen parties celebrating there. The atmosphere was lively.

6. We were standing outside, holding our drinks and chatting, when I felt something warm splash against my legs.

7. I looked and it was vomit! My legs and my gorgeous pink satin shoes were splashed with puke!

8. I turned to see who had done it. It was a guy wearing a “Germany’s Next Top Husband” T-shirt. He wiped his mouth, turned back to his group, which included a guy wearing a backpack, and carried on drinking.

9. I said to Ash, “Germany’s Next Top Husband just puked on my legs. I am so blogging this.” We laughed. Then we left.

10. When we got home, my darling husband sponged another man’s vomit off my pink satin shoes, even though he doesn’t like them and would prefer to see them confined to the bin. Clearly I am already married to Germany’s Top Husband.

**** Edited to add ****

Number 8 is the lie! The person who puked on my legs and shoes was the guy in the backpack, but you can’t spoil a good story and it HAD to be Germany’s Next Top Husband. I am a journalist after all. Also, I might add that Ash caught some of it on her shoes and trousers, so we are now blog sisters – puked on during our first-ever meeting.

Author: charlotteotter

Novelist, feminist, crime writer

18 thoughts on “Guess the Lie

  1. Aaagh so gross! I’m not sure whether the lie is you laughing about it, or the fact that you didn’t bin the shoes even though they are so gorgeous! Though cleaning vomit off shoes is definitely the sign of a top husband! Mine gets those jobs too, though in my parents house it was always my mums job, as my father would have got queasy himself.

  2. Good grief.

    I’m hoping it’s number 8 and Germany’s next top husband apologised. Although if it were the UK, I’d say the lie is it was a man, and in fact it was Germany’s next top wife who did the deed.

  3. I also hope it was #8, but I’ll say that the lie was #5. Destille isn’t your husband’s favorite bar. It’s his least favorite bar, that’ll be my guess.

    What a story! I feel feel for you, but it’s so vivid I absolutely 100% believe you and am convinced it is all true!

  4. I’m thinking it’s all true too – you’re too convincing!
    Which is it?!

  5. #7 and #10 are lies, making your title and your opening sentence lies, too. The shoes are not pink; they’re red.

  6. (Written with the straightest face possible.)

  7. Number 9 is the lie. The drunk vomit fool was soundly beaten with a pink satin shoe. Number 10 is only half right because there was blood as well as chunder to clean off.

  8. I’ll say #10 as well – you didn’t wait until you got home to sponge the vomit (sorry can’t think of a good euphemism) off the shoes. I also think it would be amusing if it was Germany’s Top Wife. A worse scenario would be if the guy stayed to apologise and breathed horrible stinky breath over the two of you. Glad that you at least got a story out of it – and hope the shoes are recoverable (rather than being binned). What would Carrie do in such a situation?

  9. I’d have to say that the last one is a lie. I don’t know of any man who would clean vomit off of a pair of his wife’s shoes that he didn’t even like. I say they got binned.

    Fun story though!

  10. As one who has a keen sense of smell and a weak stomach I must admit that ‘drunken vomit’ makes my top 5 in bad smells that sends me reeling! I don’t think I could have waited till I got home to sponge the mess off my pretty satin shoes!

  11. OMG, I don’t care which one is a lie – it makes for the world’s most fabulously amusing post! I hope the one where you laughed about it is a lie though – I hope you maced him with your Chanel No. 5.

    And *wildly* jealous that you met Ash! I can hardly think of 2 people with whom I’d rather have dinner that you two (and still kicking myself that I did not realise you were near Heidelberg when I passed through there last summer…)

  12. You are too hard on yourself. It’s not a lie, per se. You are embellishing, you are using your creative license. It makes a great story!

  13. number 3. you had your phone. that would be something!

  14. Aargh so gross and so funny at the same time! Will you ever be able to wear the shoes again?

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  16. That is, like, grody.

    You sure know how to party! 🙂 And how to pick a good husband.

  17. Mutually puked on – that beats the hell out of pricking your fingers and mingling your blood!!

    Funny – I did wonder about that odd detail abotu the backpack guy… but was laughing about the story too hard to care 😉

  18. Pingback: Getting to Know Germany’s Top Husband « Charlotte’s Web

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