I went to a fitness class today and the instructor … called me something. He was smiling as he said it, and after I said “Danke schön” in a slightly offended tone, he quickly said he really, really likes the thing he called me. In my time, I have liked them too, but I grew tired of them because they are:
- Bouncy (excessively)
- Cute (tiresomely)
- Colourful (eye-achingly)
- Round (disconcertingly)
- Entertaining (but only if you are under three)
Now if I were thinner-skinned than I am, this statement would be the death-knell on my gym attendance. I would imagine that everyone was looking at me, thinking, or worse still (and since this is Germany, Land of the Frank Statement), SAYING ALOUD, “There goes the …”. I would not be able to put my round, bouncy, cute and colourful foot back inside the place.
Instead, I am going back. Damn, I am. I’m going right back there, possibly even tomorrow. I’m not letting a Germanic mind-burp stop me.
Do want to know what my fitness instructor called me? My buff, handsome, and usually very kind fitness instructor said to me in the middle of class while I was bouncing away happily doing “step, together, Arme hoch”?
You do, don’t you?
You want me to say it, even though it hurts me and strips away my dignity?
I thought so.
He called me … deep breath … A TELETUBBY!
All I can say is thank God he was not using a microphone.