Dear Burg Hausfrau Who Complained that My Brown Rubbish Bin Smells,
Yes, it does. My brown bin smells because it is full of vegetable and food matter that I have lovingly separated from my glass, paper and other waste and put in one place where it waits for two weeks in the blazing sun for the brown bin collection day.
My brown bin smells because, unlike you, I don’t parcel up my food waste in seven layers of newspaper, which rightfully belongs in the green rubbish bin.
My brown bin smells because, unlike you, I have three small children, a job, friends, many lively interests, and once I have separated my food waste and removed it to the appropriate bin, I don’t concern myself with the state of my brown bin, or yours, for that matter.
However, I have a plan, one which will make you a lot happier.
Research reveals that in the Burg, the contents of the brown bin and the contents of the black bin (where non-recyclables go) are THROWN INTO THE SAME HOLE. I waste precious time lovingly separating my rubbish so that you can complain about the smell, and then the council can recombine them on my behalf.
I plan to return my brown bin to the council, and like other Burgers, take the step of combining my food and non-recyclable waste in the black bin, where I can use MANY LAYERS OF PLASTIC to conceal the smell of my food waste from your sensitive nostrils.
It’s win-win: I gain more precious time, you don’t have smell my rubbish and the council will have my waste combined in advance so that they don’t have to do it.
Only thing is, I might just complain about your smelly brown bin.
Your Neighbour, of the Uniquely Stinky Bins.