Charlotte's Web

Blogging my world since 2006

Charlotte Needs


Last night we went to another 40th birthday party (oh, how we age) and once again successfully proved the rule “While South Africans dance, Germans hog the walls”. We believe ourselves to be the sole providers of Stimmung (high spirits, mood) in the entire Rhine-Neckar delta. Perhaps this is another reason why we must move to Berlin – in Berlin, Germans dance. So even though the music was unrecognisable remixes of remixes over a techno beat, we three South Africans gave it welly while 42 Germans sipped their Weizenbier and watched us with the same species antipathy as giraffe might watch warthogs having a loud mudfight in the only clean waterhole within 100 square kilometres. Why play when you can chew on acacia leaves?

We tried. Then we gave up. We left the 42 Germans sipping their beers, tapping their feet and watching the empty dance-floor. I think they were asking themselves where the warthogs had gone.

In the same vein of silliness, I picked up this meme from Badger. What you do is type your Web name into your Google search engine plus the word “needs” and see what absurdities Google offers. It’s better than astrology. According to Google:

Charlotte Needs You

Charlotte needs to go to the East Coast this fall

Charlotte needs to take action to develop a fan following

Charlotte needs to look beyond banks

Charlotte needs help finding words

Charlotte needs more spending on roads

Charlotte needs a firm but loving hand, encouraging her self-esteem (husband, take note)

Charlotte needs donations from people like you

Charlotte needs protection from Charlotte

Charlotte needs to craft a new vision

Charlotte needs someone to take over the daily tasks (ahem)

Charlotte needs a rich mix

Charlotte needs to turn to Blues Rock or R&B (last night’s DJ, take note)

But my best of all, really the all-out favourite is:

Who needs Kate Moss when there’s Charlotte?

Yeah. My point exactly.

Author: charlotteotter

Novelist, feminist, crime writer

20 thoughts on “Charlotte Needs

  1. What a lark. Lia is apparently some scientific program, so my name comes up with things like “Lia needs to spend high time latency to traverse all servers”. Certainly not on par with one-upting Kate Moss. Congrats.

  2. I tried it and (surprise, surprise) with a name like Kit, I got: what every first aid Kit needs; Kit needs a face-lift. Not good for the self esteem at all!

    Love the giraffe/warthog vision. It conjured up a vivid image of their expressions!

  3. On dancing, I went to a club last night where an eighties cover band was blasting Bon Jovi and John Couger hits non-stop. This is definitly not my kind of music, but I was surprised to find that I knew most of the words and shouted them out with the rest of the crowd. Before I knew it I was dancing and making a fool of myself and loving every minute. Your Germans don’t know what they’re missing. Also,I’m going to try your meme to find out what I need.

  4. Lia, sorry to hear your needs are so scientific. I wish you artistry and fun instead.

    Kit too, apologies. I’m sure a face-lift is definitely not needed.

    Ian, can’t wait to hear what you need. As to the John Cougar and Bon Jovi, ‘twould have been better than the techno twaddle of last night. I’m sure I would have also embarrassingly have known all the words.

  5. Hi Charlotte. I tried the badger thing. Not particularly impressed. #4 on the list was Christopher needs a bullett in his brain…
    Give a uncleish love to the kids and tell Tom I’ve still got a babalas from our 20year re-union.

  6. Google told me: Tesha needs her friends. Well, I couldn’t agree more.

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  12. Hah! I played the “Charlotte needs” game and found this first.

  13. dance floors that have laser lights and disco LED lights would be very cool -,*

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