Emily and I are riffing on each other’s memes at the moment. She’s just posted her brother Ian’s satirical meme, which is just so good I had to make up one of my own.
When you read a meme, do you run screaming for the hills or immediately copy it on your own blog?
I only copy, or make up, exceptional memes. Very ordinary memes have me running screaming for the hills.
When you run screaming for the hills, do you take with you a small travel bag containing a capsule wardrobe in shades of white, grey and black or whatever you happen to be wearing at the moment?
I have never actually planned to run screaming for the hills before, so it’s normally in whatever I happen to be wearing at the time – usually covered in chocolate stains.
When you run out of the house wearing nothing but your ordinary chocolate-stained clothes, do you wave a friendly goodbye to your neighbours telling them when you will be home and asking them to water the plants or do you hide your head under a scarf and try to slink past without them noticing?
The neighbours are used to seeing me screaming and wearing chocolate-stained clothes so they would feel quite reassured to know that everything is normal chez Charlotte. Being Germans, they would want to know if they should provide meals for the children too and ask if I had told Lily to knock on the door when Ollie wanted his nappy changing.
When you run screaming for the hills, leaving the Germans to look after your children, do you prepare meals in advance, wash and iron all the laundry, clean the floors and print out a timetable of the children’s activities for handy use, or do you leave your home in a slatternly mess?
The latter. My home relishes being a slattern.
When you run screaming for the hills, leaving your home in slatternly mess, do you bid it adieu without a backward glance or do you spend the whole time away worrying about the vegetable matter rotting in the bin and the wet washing gathering mould in the washing machine?
I worry and feel guilty. I would hate the Germans to think I was a bad housewife.
When you have run screaming for the hills do you mull over how bad a housewife you are in comparison to your friends or would you rather admire the scenery?
I love admiring the scenery, but I would also be having an internal dialogue totting up my housewifely skills against the skills of my friends. They would win and I would come last.
Is winning important to you or do you tend to prefer all things to be equal?
I do prefer all things to be equal, but I sincerely believe this to be a winning meme.
Do you post frequent memes because you are (a) lazy, (b) derivative or (c) fond of picking lint out of your navel?
None, of the above. I think memes are a new art form.
Do you promise never to post a meme again?
Only very esoteric ones. Or ones that question the foundation of society. Or pickle a cow in aspic. Only high-art memes from henceforth.