Charlotte's Web

Blogging my world since 2006

Cake for Supper

11 Comments

I am expecting the parent police any minute now. They are going to handcuff me and take me away to a remand centre. I will not be allowed back until I have memorised and can repeat word perfect all the recipes in Annabel Karmel’s Superfoods for Babies and Children. Every week I will be visited by a social worker who will sit in while I cook my children a meal. She – for it will be a she, of the prison warden variety, with big biceps and a sneer – will count the vegetable and fruit portions that my children receive and will watch, hawklike, to make sure they swallow every mouthful. I will then have to provide a meal plan for the coming week, a plan that contains oily fish (twice), low glycaemic carbohydrates, antioxidants in the form of tomatoes and blueberries, oatmeal porridge, organic dairy foods and five portions of fruit ‘n veg daily. This plan will not contain white flour or sugar, no hydrogenated fats, no E-numbers and nothing that originated in the deepfreeze section of the supermarket. If I don’t stick to my plan, the wardress will send in back-up troops in the form of fluffy but fearsome Gina Ford who will subject me to lectures on the linking of poor nutrition to ADHD, dismal school performance and the chance of my kids becoming hoodies. She will use the categorical imperative a lot, so I will have to beat her about the head with my unused copy of Organic Cooking for Kids. She will threaten to sue me and close down my blog, depriving sixteen people of their daily dose of joy, laughter and insightful commentary on world events.

It’s that bad: I just gave my children cake for supper.

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Author: charlotteotter

Novelist, feminist, crime writer

11 thoughts on “Cake for Supper

  1. Ha! You should worry! My son invented the concept, a few years back, of ‘breakfast pudding’. The sweet second course that follows the cereal or toast…. If he could get away with it he would only have the pudding at ANY meal!

  2. You naughty naughty girl! Dear husband is still at work so we, yes…mum and two kids had chocco pops and fruit loops mixed! All that sugar is just what is needed for a quiet night in with dad when he gets home…mum is going out late night shopping on her OWN!

  3. Oh, yum, I hope it was chocolate. My baby hates food altogether but the food aversions vanish when he’s served apple and peach rice pudding in a tin… Did you read in one of Annabel Karmel’s depressing books that she had to hide the fruit bowl from her son because she had “trained him” to love fruit? I cannot stand Annabel Karmel. I sentence Annbel Karmel and Gina Ford to life on a desert island and to never pen another word.

  4. MMMMM. And what kind of cake are you seving in your house dear Ms. Charlotte? I have to admit this sounds very tempting in my house of grumpy children. Sometimes they need to be shocked into niceness and this would certainly do it xxoo, BL

  5. Sounds pretty good to me! Loaded with Milk and eggs. Hey, I love the idea. I wonder if the parent police approve of Cereal for dinner because I’ve done that a few times with my 6yo.

    one thing is for sure, I bet you have some happy kids!!

  6. when my dad and brother went out of town when I was younger my mom and I would dine on potatoe chips, dip and hot fudge sundaes. Hers all washed down with a few martinis. So I think you are doing just fine…

  7. You have to watch this old Bill Cosby video called “Himself”!!! It’s hilarious — there is a part where he gives his kids chocolate cake for breakfast: he justifies it by saying, “Cake has wheat! And eggs! And milk!” And all the kids sing “Dad is great…gives us the chocolate cake!”

    The other day we deliberately didn’t give the kids lunch (b/c we had a huge breakfast) and they didn’t even notice.

  8. When we were kids (four of us), my mom’s birthday cake specialty was “Chocolate Midnight.” A chocolate cake with marshmallow frosting, referigerated, then poked with a fork and Hershey’s syrup poured over it. We used to love it.

  9. What you’re all saying is that cake is really healthy, and my children will love me forever for giving it to them! Win-win.

  10. THe Marie-Antoinette approach to child nutrition, now there’s a book to write!

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