Five Things

I may have done this meme before in a parallel universe, but my new friend Pete, who blogs at Couch Trip, tagged me and since he lives in my favourite city in the world (see his blog header for a gorgeous photograph), I am succumbing. Feel free to avert your eyes if you think you may have seen all this before …

Five Habits Meme

What was I doing 10 years ago?

I had a career! But it was boring. I was a manager! But only a product manager. I flew business class! But had to give up my airmiles to the company. Friends of mine were having babies! But I wasn’t ready yet. I pursued my career some more! But I went off the pill, just in case. Then my life changed forever!

Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non-weight gaining world:

1. Chocolate

2. Chocolate-covered nuts

3. Bread and butter

4. Pizza

5. Cheesecake

Five snacks I enjoy in the real world:

All of the above, but rationed. Also:

Nuts

Apples

Rice-cakes (chilli flavour)

Blueberries

Chai tea lattes

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. Buy my mother her dream retirement home.

2. Fund AIDS orphans on a grand scale.

3. Build an eco-friendly, sustainable house.

4. Take my family on an awesome holiday.

5. Replace the little sports-car my husband had to sell when he married me - I know how much it hurt him to do so.

Five jobs I have had:

1. Voter registration for the PFP

2. Totally useless waitress

3. Selling dolls that wet themselves

4. Rookie crime journalist

5. Fundraiser

Five habits:

1. Making time to write

2. Making time to exercise

3. Kissing my children

4. Looking at my husband and thinking, “How lucky am I?”

5. Planning real and fantasy holidays

Five places I have lived:

1. Observatory, Cape Town

2. Parktown, Johannesburg

3. St Margarets, London

4. Schwetzingen, Germany

5. Atlanta, Georgia

Five people I’d like to get to know better:

Diane of Martinis for Two (soon to meet in RL), G of BigAppleToBigBear (just met in RL), Tanya of Just Me (know in RL, but interested in her answers), Angela of An Observer Abroad (know in RL and whose blog is yet to be sullied by a meme), and Sandy of Off the Beaten Track (go forth and read her fabulous travel blog - it is the stuff of my dreams).

Five Bits of Fluff

I think memes are the popcorn of the blog world. And since there are five kids in my sitting-room, eating popcorn and watching Free Willy, I’m going to indulge in some fluffery of my own. My friend Loren, a food blogger from San Francisco (the US city I most want to visit) charged me with the Five Things meme. I have done this a few times before, but, like popcorn, it’s a meme that’s moreish.

Five Fluffy Things About Me:

1. Having just seen the Sex in the City movie, I am currently working my way through all six seasons of the TV show. My favourite of the gals is Miranda, Charlotte makes me laugh and I am sooooo jealous of Carrie’s legs. I’m not mad about Samantha, but I like the way she embodies female desire. On that topic, Mr Big is far and away the hottest man on the show, but I’d give Steve the bartender the time of day. In the movie, the scene between him and Miranda on the bridge made me cry so hard that my nose ran.

2. I really like dancing. At a party, I am guaranteed to be first on the dance-floor. And I’m a cheap drunk, so basically, I’m great value.

3. The tree pose always reminds me of my past life as an Indian yogi.

4. If I had to choose between having an uninterrupted hour to write or eating the best chocolate in the world, I’d take the hour.

5. If I were a house, I would be chintz. And proud.

Now I am supposed to tag five people, but I don’t do that anymore. So I’m stealing from YogaMum. Consider yourself tagged if:

1. You have had a conversation about Sex in the City in the past week.

2. This makes you feel like doing silly dancing:

3. If you have done the tree pose today.

4. If you have refused chocolate in the last hour.

5. If this looks like heaven to you.

Litlove’s Parenting Meme

We have just handed over our three children to some wonderful friends for a Saturday night sleepover, and I am soon to don my Berlin party dress and head to another friend’s birthday party, from which we do not have to return till dawn should we so choose. Thusly childfree, it seems like the perfect moment to attempt Litlove’s Parenting Meme.

(And, since there has been a little, just a very very little, bit of daytime drinking, I cannot be held responsible for some of the things I may or may not say below.)

Litlove’s Parenting Meme:

How do you view your role as a parent? What are you there to do?

To love and protect. To guide and assist. To equip and prepare. To model behaviours and be consistent.

In your social circle, are mothers expected to work or are they encouraged to stay home with the child?

I know very, very few women who do not work in some way or another, but I also know very, very few women who have returned to work full-time. The short school day in Germany and the lack of adequate after-school care means that most women only do part-time or freelance work. The few I do know who work a full 40-hour week have live-in help, who collect the children from school, provide meals if necessary and play the role of parent until Mama or Papa comes home. However, the older children are, and the more independent they are able to be, the longer hours most mothers work.

How do you feel about your children’s education? What’s good about it, and what would you like to see done differently?

I am thrilled with the German kindergarten system with its emphasis on childhood, play and learning by doing. I feel it is a privilege in this highly pressurised world that my children have been allowed this gentle, fun and completely non-academic start. We are two years into the primary school system and I am satisfied thus far, though still horrified that our state requires my child to start high school in Grade Five. The school appears to cater to the lowest common denominator, which is probably the case in all state education systems and I can accept it. However, I am unhappy with the idea of my kids staying in German-only education for the rest of their schooling, so we are starting to scout around for bilingual schooling options. They exist, but at a price.

How do you share the childcare with your partner (if it is shared)? Do you tend towards different activities or different approaches to parenting?

I have been opinionated about how I want my children raised, and have been lucky in that my husband shares my views. He accepted potentially divisive things like sleep-sharing, attachment parenting, long-term breast-feeding without a murmur, and says today that our offspring are better off for it. He is a totally hands-on parent and has been from the start. While he could have chosen career paths that meant he would only see his kids at the weekend, he has always avoided what he calls “the rat-race”, and made choices that give him time with them. This is the reason we do not live in London, Johannesburg or New York. While I am still the primary care-giver, we are aiming in the long run towards a model where I work more and he cares more.

What are the most important virtues to instill in a child?

It sounds cliched, but I do think nothing beats a healthy dose of self-esteem.

What’s the relationship like between mothers at the park and the school gate? Would someone you didn’t know help you out in a stressful moment?

While I am not a fan of baby groups and forced mother-child group activities (in fact, I run screaming), the mothers whom I have met via kindergarten and school have been my life-savers. I am not everyone’s best mate, and I think some find me slightly odd, but I have some very dear friends who have kept me sane, make me laugh and love my kids. If I’m at a playground with my children, I have no trouble chatting with other Mamas if I’m in the mood, but sometimes I just want to zone out and look at the clouds.

What do you fear most for your children?

I try hard not to live in fear, but I suppose I fear something terrible happening to them. I also fear that we are making an inhospitable planet for them to live on.

How do you discipline your child and what are the errors you would put most effort into correcting?

I am one of those boring Mamas who cares about manners, and I probably overdo the repetition on that score. I don’t like violence and that is punished with time-outs on the stairs (a bad, bad thing that makes people cry). I am intolerant of whining and one of my oft-repeated phrases is “Say that to me in your pleasant voice.” Like Litlove, I find that aptly-used praise is more beneficial than lots of negative talk.

Do you think the life of a child has changed much since you were young?

Oddly enough, we are managing to replicate our South African childhood, where we spent a lot of time outdoors, walked to and from places independently of our parents and were expected to be social beings who could converse with adults and children alike here in Germany. Having said that, childhood has become more technological and we are constantly monitoring and assessing how well we are handling that. (For anyone who’s interested, Lia of the Yum Yum Cafe has been writing a fabulous series of posts on children and technology.) My kids also have a greater awareness of the world, and have travelled far more, than I ever had or did as a child.

What is the best compliment your children could pay you for your parenting skills?

My kids are good at frequent, fulsome compliments, so clearly I model praising really well. If they said I helped them to be happy and be their authentic selves, I would rest on my laurels.

Feel free to play too.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a party dress to don …

Rando-Meme

As a loyal subject of the Queen o’ Memes, I have to obey when she tags me, otherwise it’s off with my head.

Here, most obediently then, is my Rando-Meme of Seven (More) Facts About Me:

1. In 1985, I did a school project for Biology on HIV and AIDS.  Twenty-three years later, I am writing a novel in which one of my characters is an AIDS worker. In those intervening years, 25 million people have died of AIDS and people are still getting infected, and still dying. History will not be kind to the pharmaceutical companies who kept the price of ARVs artificially high and the governments who were slow to react in getting treatment to people, while dallying with AIDS denialists. And I’m talking about you, Thabo Mbeki.

2. Star Wars leaves me cold, but I used to loved Star Trek. I thought Captain Kirk was quite sexy.

3. I read The Times, The Guardian, The Independent and The Mail & Guardian online, and my favourite reading in all four is Mariella Frostrup’s agony column, in which she lambastes people for their idiotic life-choices. It’s a job I’d quite like: telling people why and how they need to pull themselves together. I listen to Radio Four online and my favourite programme is Open Book, hosted by Mariella Frostrup, in which she interviews famous authors about their latest novels. That’s another job, I wouldn’t mind having - either the interviewing or the being a famous author.

4. One of the things I miss about South Africa is the greasy toasted sandwiches made with plastic cheese and watery slices of tomato that you buy at garages on the highway.

5. I am a Charlotte married to a Thomas. My great-grandmother was a Charlotte married to a Thomas.

6. The older I get, the angrier I become. I am angry about entrenched privilege, about sexism, about fundamentalism, about the patriarchy, about blindly instituted religions, about men who hate to hear women speak. I suspect that my time as an activist is yet to come.

7. I self-medicate with books and chocolate. I don’t see that as a bad thing.

If you are tempted, consider yourself tagged. I tag my new friend, Diane.

Meme for a Wednesday

I want to be writing, but with three kids on holiday, one birthday party to bake for and one mother-in-law visiting, working on my novel just isn’t on the cards. Instead, I give you The Meme From YogaMum:

1. What is your occupation? Mother, freelance writer, aspiring novelist.

2. What colour are your socks right now? Grey.

3. What are you listening to right now? The dulcet sounds of Kika, a German kids’ TV channel blissfully ad-free, which is keeping my threesome entertained. The programme is Tanz Alarm, so everyone is dancin’.

4. What is the last thing you ate? Vanilla yogurt with blueberries.

5. Can you drive stick shift? I do so with pride.

6. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Turquoise.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My daughter’s friend, Lara.

8. What’s your favourite yoga pose? The beautiful, peaceful tree pose.

9. How old are you today? 39 years, 3 months and 6 days. And I have No Issues Whatsoever With This.

10. Favourite drink? Like Yogamum, I believe that chai latte is the nectar of the gods. My writing coffee-house does the best chai lattes in the world.

11. What is your favourite sport to watch? Tennis.

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Never dyed, but I have a 20-year-old relationship with highlights that I am now trying to end because of co-dependency issues.

13. Pets? Three human ones.

14. Favourite cake? Cheesecake. It’s the reason I live in Germany.

15. Last movie you saw? The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. The brilliance! The aptness! The respect for both the book and the Botswana culture! Anthony Mingella, rest in peace.

16. Favourite day of the year? Can’t say. Every day is good.

17. How do you vent anger? Some muttering, some short-stepping and then some shouting.

18. What was your favourite toy as a child? A shaggy green dog, who played Prince to the dollies’ Princesses.

19. Autumn or spring? Spring! Even a snowy white one like we’re having now.

20. Hugs or kisses? Both.

21. Cherry or blueberry? Blueberry, but only just.

22. Do you want your friends to respond? Only if they’re in the mood.

23. Who is most likely to respond? Don’t know.

24. Who is most likely not to respond. Don’t know.

25. Living arrangements? I live in a house my husband and our three pets.

26. Last time you cried? While watching The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, when the missing child was returned to his father.

27. What is on the floor of your closet? A worry of shoes.

28. Who is the friend you’ve had the longest? Dani, from Grade Two. Love and miss you, my friend!

29. Favourite smell? A cake in the oven.

30. Who or what inspires you? People who have the courage to follow their hearts.

31. What are you afraid of? Something happening to one of my loved ones.

32. Hamburgers? Nevaire. The disgustingness.

33. Favourite car? I’m not a car person, but I have to say I am fond of our big Renault because it’s taken us on many journeys to many places.

34. Number of keys on your key ring? Three.

35. How many years at your current job? Mother for eight years, freelance writer for six years, writer since I could write.

36. Favourite day of the week? Sunday - the day I sleep in and the shops are closed.

37. How many countries have you lived in? South Africa, England twice, Germany twice and the US once for three months (Atlanta, Georgia).

38. Dream job? Novelist.

Tagging my second oldest friend, Kerry, who I have known since Grade Eight, and who has been a little quiet on the blogging front lately. What’s up, girlfriend?

Celebration Cake

Today, I celebrate two years of blogging. My blog is a toddler, and like all toddlers it likes a bit of cake. Over the years, I have written about love, friendship, AIDS, apartheid, feminism, family, parenting, children, books, writing, living in Germany and cake. My post on Lemon Drizzle Cake is still one of the most popular, at over 1500 hits.

To celebrate today’s anniversary, I’m doing a food meme, ruthlessly stolen from Emily and Susan, but in honour of today, it focuses on cake.

Five Random Things about Me and Cake:

1. The last cake I made was Nigella’s Dense Chocolate Loaf Cake, which I served as a dessert with creme fraiche and pomegranate seeds liberally doused in rosewater. Nigella says this cake is as “damp and sticky as gingerbread and quite as aromatic” and it is. My husband, who does not have a sweet tooth and is not desperately keen on cake, had two slices.

2. The next cake I’m going to make is something for Easter. I’m torn between Nigella’s Easter Nest cake which is chocolately, gooey and luxurious and her Rosemary Loaf cake, which is more restrained. I think I’m heading for the rosemary cake, because there’s going to be enough chocolate around this coming weekend, and the herb will provide a pleasant counterpoint. And I have a special fondness for loaf cakes.

3. Nigella is not my only reference point for cake, but almost. I have made Delia’s Victoria sponge cake and Jamie’s shortbread, but when I’m in the mood to bake a cake I always start with Nigella. Her recipes are fail-safe, delicious and seasonal. One of my raging successes was a chestnut cheesecake for Christmas. It was nutty and heavenly. I could have eaten the whole thing all by myself. Come to think of it, I probably did.

4. For birthdays, I am a traitor to Nigella. I always bake my mother’s stove-top chocolate cake, which contains buttermilk, cocoa and oil, and turns out fudgy and scrumptious. I once posted the recipe here.

5. I am intimidated by icing, and tend to prefer cakes that are icing-free or icing-light. My mother’s chocolate cake is wonderful because you pour the icing on while the cake is still hot, and it melts into the just-cooked cake, making it even fudgier. I admire people who can ice and decorate complicated cakes. Mine tend to be more rustic, but in a delicious kind of way.

One of my blog friends, Dorothy, shares a blog birthday with me. Happy Blog Day, Dorothy. It’s been fun being your twin. Would you like to share my cake?

The Marriage Meme

My dear husband has also become a web worker, and now works from home. I am seeing a lot more of him than I am used to and thus far it is working well - he joins the family for lunch, is available to take kids to school in the morning when I have an early morning gym class (moi at spinning, who’d a thunk it?) and there’s always someone here to open the door when the postman brings a parcel.

As a late nod to Valentine’s Day and a token of appreciation to the lovely man in my life, here’s YogaMum’s Marriage Meme:

1. Where/how did you meet?

We met at a rugby party. I told my friends I was off to get a beer and I met him at the bar. We spent a lot of time talking poetry (he knew how to win me, even then) and then some more time … not talking.

2. How long have you known each other?

That was in August 1986, which means we have known each other, like YogaMum and her husband, for almost 22 years.

3. How long after you met did you start dating?

We dated immediately for two weeks. Then there was a five-year hiatus and we started dating again in March 1992.

4. How long did you date before getting engaged?

We agreed within 10 days that we would get married and have a spring wedding, but it took another 18 months before I accepted one of his many proposals - unfortunately, it was the one in the supermarket, somewhere between the dog food and the toilet paper. Unromantic, but memorable.

5. How long was your engagement?

Nine months. We had to wait for spring.

6. How long have you been married?

In October, it will be 14 years.

7. What is your anniversary?

October 1 - easy to remember.

8. How many people came to your wedding reception?

About 100.

9. What kind of cake did you serve?

A trad fruit cake. I don’t know why I didn’t go for something more interesting. Clearly, I was not yet a baker.

10. Where was your wedding?

We were married in the Michaelhouse Chapel (the school which my husband, brother, brother-in-law, father, uncles and grandfather attended) and had our reception on the cricket field at Hilton College (the school where my stepfather taught and which my three stepbrothers attended). It was a perfect spring day.

11. What did you serve for the meal?

Can’t remember. I do remember drinking some champagne, though.

12. How many people were in your bridal party?

My husband had his brother, my brother and his best friend as attendants, and I had my three cousins.

13. Are you still friends with them?

We’ve lost the best friend. He lives in Zimbabwe, and we can’t find him.

14. Did your spouse cry during the wedding ceremony?

No, but like YogaMum, I cried as I starting walking up the aisle and pretty much cried throughout - happy tears.

15. Most special moment of your wedding day?

Driving away into the sunset with my new husband in his fabulous little sportscar en route to Zimbabwe, leaving all the people we loved behind us. Alone at last.

16. Any funny moments?

My Altzheimer-sufferer grandmother and her likewise brother missing the ceremony because they couldn’t remember the way to the chapel. Luckily they soon forgot that they had missed it, and got swept up in the fun of the next bit. My father made a very witty speech. The band got the wrong food. The waiters served the wrong wine. Our first dance was hilarious: it was a foxtrot and everyone thought it was a rumba. A cousin from Scotland fell “asleep” in the corridor with his kilt all hoiked up over his bottom to reveal he was wearing it in the traditional fashion - knickerless.

17. Any big disasters?

I plead the Fifth.

18. Where did you honeymoon?

Zimbabwe. I got the runs. It was very romantic.

19. For how long?

Two weeks.

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?

We had the wedding of two first-born 25-year-olds trying to please everyone. It was wonderful, but there’s a lot to be said for eloping.

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

Left-hand, near the window.

22. What size is your bed?

King, to accommodate all those co-sleeping children who now all sleep in their own beds but who still like to visit and cuddle in the mornings.

23. Greatest strength as a couple?

We make each other laugh. We love each other’s company. We are both dreamers, readers, writers, travellers.

24. Greatest challenge as a couple?

Neither of us is particularly practical.

25. Who literally pays the bills?

He waves them and I pay them. (He probably thinks it’s the other way around.)

26. What is your song?

Oh. Er - Tom?

27. What did you dance your first dance to?

Ditto

28. Describe your wedding dress?

The last of the great meringues.

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?

Pink, purple, blue, white, yellow - spring colours. Roses, and other things.

30. Are your wedding bands engraved?

No.

Anyone else want to play? Kerry - how about getting your blogging mojo back? Kerryn - would this grab you? Francesca - how about you? Alida - is this for you? Or you, Kit?

10 Signs a Book Might be Written by Me

Having acknowledged that I have seven outstanding memes to do, my fancy has been taken by this one, which I have seen at the Hobgoblin’s, Dorothy’s and most lately at Emily’s blog. I think it’s because I am deep into writing a book that this seems particularly apposite.

10 Signs a Book Might be Written by Me

1. It will be a novel set in South Africa

2. There will be place detail: smells, sounds, sights, animals, landscape, weather

3. There will be at least one corrupt politician

4. There will be lots of characters, and I mean lots. As one of my cheerleaders said, “You’ve even got a backstory for the guy who runs the local corner shop.”

5. There will be some death, some love and some sex, but not too much

6. There won’t be any magic realism, teenage vampires, or confounding mysteries

7. There will be strong women and patriarchs

8. The prose will be story-driven

9. There will be large, complicated families

10. It will not be sentimental or rose-tinted

I tag Ms Tea Stains, Helen (if she hasn’t already done this), JadePark, Nova, (Un)Relaxeddad and Mortal Mom

Acknowledgements

I need to acknowledge some people who have been mentioning me, and tagging me for memes. Firstly, the very lovely Susie gave me this:

I need to pass it on to 10 other bloggers. Now all the bloggers I read are excellent, and I don’t know how to acknowledge only 10 so I’m going to procrastinate a little. Bear with me.

Then, Litlove tagged me for this meme In The Event of a Crisis.

My yoga hero YogaMum tagged me for the Marriage Meme, in honour of Valentine’s Day.

The very kind Emily mentioned me here, in her You Make My Day meme. Emily, I have also forgotten how we met. Perhaps it was through Litlove? Or Dorothy?

My favourite foodie, Jeanne, of the essential CookSister, mentioned me in her post on nominations for the South African blog awards. South African bloggers and readers, please go forth and nominate.

Mrs Blogoway tagged me for the 123 Meme.

James, of the wonderful corporate social responsibility blog Wisdom of Clouds, tagged me for 8 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me.

Now I am aware that I’m behind, and I have a guilty conscience, and let’s just say I’m working on it.

Thank you for the tags and the mentions and the awards. You’re a lovely lot.

Seven Things I Approve Of

This is a meme I’m boldly lifting from the blog of Hover Frog, someone I visited for the first time only today. I’m spreadin’ the word, Froggy One …

Seven Things I Of Which I Heartily Approve:

1. Sunshine

In my eyes right now, causing me to squint. I love it and its shiny goodness. Could have more of it, though.

2. Exercise

I approve strongly of exercise. Whether I do enough of it is questionable.

3. Yellow grass on a blue-skied Natal winter’s day, with the Drakensberg looming up behind me in all its majesty

I approve of this so badly it hurts. I ache for an African winter, with its dryness, its yellow and its blue. If you want to hear more about this particular beauty, watch Ash read Doris Lessing here.

4. Evenings of food, wine and laughter with my dearest friends

Without this, life would not be worth living. It is what lifts me and carries me. Especially if it ends in colour-coding the bookshelves. Or silly dancing. Even if it results in frog-in-mouth feeling the next day.

5. Compassion

An under-rated quality. I vote for a compassionate world.

6. Having time to be still

The older I get, and the busier I become, the more I seem to need alone time, down time, time to go quiet and listen to the still, small voice inside. Without it I become harried, anxious and jittery.

7. Rude quantities of Champagne

Or Sekt, or cremant, or sparkling wine - as long as it has gentle, melt in the mouth bubbles. One of the things that living in Europe has taught me is a fine appreciation of a €5 bottle of something sparkly.

I tag you, dear reader. This meme will put you in weekend mood. Now where’s that Sekt, again?