Charlotte's Web

Blogging my world since 2006

The Tale of the Perfect Slipper

27 Comments

Once upon a time, not very long ago, there lived a Princess. The Princess was a happy person, for she had everything in her life that she needed: food, a loving family, the odd glass of champagne. However, there was one thing that was missing in the Princess’s life. She needed the perfect slipper.

The Princess searched high and low in the shops of Germany – for it was in Germany that she lived – to find the perfect slipper. And indeed, Germany was a good place to search, for the good burgers of Germany were mostly very fond of the shoe that can be worn inside, namely the Hausschuh. However, despite searching for many long years for the perfect slipper, the Princess was unable to find it. She grew sad and listless, and sat around picking her bare, cold toenails. Her family became worried. How could they restore the Princess to her former happy and joyous mien? Where could they find the perfect slipper that would meet the Princess’s rigorous conditions of (a) comfort, (b) attractiveness and (c) substantial sparkliness fitting to one of royal birth?

Things appeared to be desperate. The Princess decided to make one last last-ditch attempt to find the perfect slipper. She went out, to the lovely Geschaeften of Germany. There she tried on 101 pairs of the famous Birkenstocks. Every citizen of the land (and many from other lands, including fair California) had told her that Birkenstocks were of the highest comfort and attractiveness. But, nay, the Princess could not. She could not purchase a Birkenstock to place upon her daintly footlets. That would never do. They were too crass, too sordid; the kind of shoe her vegan friend Oatmeal Baobab might wear, but not good enough for the feet of a Princess.

The Princess believed that she would never find the perfect slipper. Her heart was sad. She became mightily depressed. She lost her appetite, becoming quite unable to eat chocolate. The only good thing on her horizon was the pending visit of her mother, the Queen. At least the dear Queen might be able to cheer her up a little, cook some delectable morsels and take the children off her hands so that she could waft around morosely being really sad.

The day the Queen arrived was a very low one for the Princess. She embraced her mother listlessly. With a glint in her royal eye, the Queen said, “Darling. Have you managed to find the perfect slipper yet?”

“Oh no, dear Queen, I have not,” whispered the Princess tremulously. She plucked tragically at her gown.

“Well, darling, there is no need to mourn any longer!” the Queen announced. “I believe I may found the perfect slipper, far far away in the shopping portals of Pietermaritzburg.”

“Pietermaritzburg,” muttered the Princess, “What good is that to me, here in the lovely land of Germany?”

“But darling, I have transported it with me in the flying machine!” cried the Queen triumphantly. “I have it in my trunk.”

“Oh, Mother,” said the Princess, “Dig it out immediately.”

“Please,” she added, for she was a well brought-up girl.

And so the Queen set to digging about in her trunk and came upon a parcel wrapped in tissue paper. Proudly, with beating heart, she presented it to her child.

The Princess tore open the package with unseemly haste and there they lay. Not one, but two of the most perfect slippers she had ever seen. One for each foot! They were silver, they were sparkly, they reeked of Chanel (tho’ they were not, coming as they did from the shopping portals of Pietermaritzburg).

“Mother, how can I thank you?” the Princess cried, flinging her arms about her mother’s neck and sinking slightly, with relief.

Disentangling her daughter, the Queen said, “Well, I do have very good taste. Look here.”

And she lifted her own gown, just a couple of millimetres to reveal the identical pair adorning her own little Queenly toelets.

The Princess placed the exquisite silver slippers on her feet, and announced, “We must celebrate. A party! We shall have a party!”

And the Queen, the Princess, her husband – the well-shod Prince, and the little Princesses and Princeling, danced all night, happy in the knowledge that there would never be sadness in the kingdom again.

The Princess loves her slippers so much, so very very much, that sometimes she wears them on her head.

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Author: charlotteotter

Novelist, feminist, crime writer

27 thoughts on “The Tale of the Perfect Slipper

  1. Oh, tell me about it. If it’s any comfort it’s just as difficult to find anything worth wearing in the UK as well. I am extremely envious of your mother’s gift and will resume my own search with a better idea of what I’m looking for.

  2. LOL! Pmb may be a sleepy hollow, but it also has the best hairdresser (Emile’s) and just outside of Pmb (at New Hanover) they have the best biltong and the most gorgeous bread in the world!

  3. Ann, I hope your Good Fairy hopes you find your perfect slipper.

    Gill, I can’t believe Emile’s is still there! My granny and most of the women in my family had their hair done at Emile’s.

  4. I hope they are as comfortable as they are sparkly!

  5. That style is popular here in Georgia too. I don’t have a pair yet. :o( And those are MUCH more sylish than Birkenstocks!

  6. Youre barking! But I’m laughing and the slippers are the bees knees.

  7. Kit, they have as much comfort as they have sparkle. They are perfect.

    Hi Charlotte! I believe that in another dimension, I am actually a resident of Georgia. Hope you find some sparkly slippers in downtown Athens.

    Thanks, Ali, glad you like ‘em.

  8. Those lovely slippers suit you perfectly – oooooh, shiny! The Queen knows her little Princess very well. Great tale…

  9. Those are fabulous slippers. Fabulous shoes for a fabulous princess. And you look beautiful in the picture.
    Courtney

  10. perfectly princessy indeed. My little princess has some nearly identical silver slippers.

  11. What a happy ending to this fairy tale. I cannot pick out shoes — I cannot. So, I’m off with a friend who can, next Monday, and I can hardly wait. She tells me boots are in. We are getting a pair for me. Your shoes look sooooo good — and I didn’t even know they were “in.” Maybe, we’ll have to find those in my size to match out hats.

  12. Lovely slippers indeed. I have slippers, they are lined with sheepskin and keep my toes nicely warm. When I wear them, that is. Mostly I run around in socks in the winter, and barefoot in the summer. Shoes are pretty much lost on me.

  13. Oh your Highness, what simply lovely slippers! I loved the story, I laughed at the picture of you plucking at your gown.. I am so glad the Queen has arrived bringing All Things Sparkly all in such good taste. Hooray for the Queen!

  14. That is a great picture, lol. The slippers can double as a crown.

  15. You, madam, are a genius. Now I’m looking forward to hearing “The Princess and the Pee”. Heh heh…

  16. Oh Charlotte, I laughed so much! You do have a talent for writing.

    Enjoy your sparkly feet (or head) every moment. LOL, the photo only downloaded halfway on my computer, and I thought to myself: Is that a head the slipper is balancing on? Is the Princess related to Wilhelm Tell? Then I saw the full picture … you must really looooooove those slippers. :)

    Hope your Prince puts them on your feet in the right Princely fashion!

    (: Pippa

  17. charlotte, you’re killing me.
    may you wander about on that royal slippers for ever and ever and may they never lose their sparkliness as long as you live.

  18. eh, i guess it’s supposed to be “those royal slippers”.

  19. We are VERY amused. Lovely post. :-)

  20. Important sanity tip for the Princess: if you struggle to find the perfect slipper in Germany, don’t ever think of moving to London! The shoes here are a) almost exclusively high fashion; b) uncomfortable; c) excruciatingly expensive or d) all of the above. As soon as I cross the Channel to France or Germany I feel as if I have landed in shoe Nirvana…

    Aren’t moms the best??

  21. Beautiful!!! A princess in birkenstocks?!? Never!!! I love the slipper by the way…really cool!!!

  22. What a great story. I for one am always in search of a pretty, comfy shoe and always come home with a new pair of heels!! Sigh….

  23. Ha ha, cute story and great photo. I’m super fussy about slippers too. They can’t have backs; I have to be able to slip in them hands-free. And I probably have similar material requirements as Oatmeal Baobob, even though I’m not vegan. I am, however, allergic to wool, and slippers always seem to have wool outsides and fluffy sheepskin stuff inside.

  24. Ach so, you meant Haushut! Wunderlich (I mean yuck. I could not wear those in a lifetime). But I agree with you on the birkenstocks. My wife still has not managed to have me wear those.

  25. that was fun. really fun.

  26. Pingback: Au Revoir, the Queen « Charlotte’s Web

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